And the Ship Sailed On

We were ploughing the Pacific in the strangest of times, with whalebones from Whitby, Oranges from Jaffa, Madagascan Monkeys, sweet Mangoes and Limes. The First Mate’s name was Roger, The Captain… Portsmouth Harry. My name is Thomas, Cook, and we were full of all that we could carry.





The passengers were a ‘right rum do’, who spent their time below. The air was fresh, the sea was swell, but how the wind did blow. Until one day it faltered, and dropped all of a sudden, and we sat becalmed on a sea of green like a great three-masted pudd’n.

The crew were busy mending sails and tying knots and bights, and cursin’ hard because there was no wind to fly their kites, when up on deck there came a girl who knocked us all for six. We looked again just to make sure our eyes weren’t playing tricks.




For she was tall, and fair of face, her hair a midnight tress, she wore yellow, pink, and purple stripes, and her eyes did match her dress.

‘Good Mornin’, Ma’am’ the Captain said, ‘My name is Portsmouth Harry’.

‘I’m Princess Saniya,’ said the girl, ‘and I need someone to marry. So I’m off to Hollywood to make a film, for I’m good at shedding tears….’

‘Then keep ‘em wet,’ the Captain said, ‘ for another hundred years. It’s 1792,’ he said, ‘and though you’re well intended, Hollywood, and Movie Stars, have not yet been invented!’....





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